Summing up the December Theme: You Don’t Have to Prove Anything to Anybody
“You don’t have to prove anything to anybody” has now become one of my mantras for decision making. When an audition opportunity presents itself, I’ll ask, “Do you want to go for it? Remember, you don’t have to prove anything to anybody.” Because I am a chronic people-pleaser I’m hoping this routine will become second nature.
My goal is to take on projects that I want to do because they excite me and because they are coming along at the right time for me to do them. This will be different behavior from jumping on every opportunity that comes along because I’m afraid there will never be another opportunity ever again.
And the flip side … drum roll please … will be to pursue opportunities that I create for myself.
Other questions to ask:
How will this add to my life?
Is this opportunity in line with my Big Picutre Goals?
What do I think I will learn from this project?
How will this project challenge me?
Am I willing to accept that challenge?
Will doing this subtract from higher value priorities?
What am I willing to give up in order to take this on?
In order to answer these questions, I will have to be clear on my Big Picture Goals – and I will have to run every Big Picture Goal through the same filters. I will also have to know what my highest priorities are. I don’t think I’ve evaluated my priorites objectively. Rather I’ve rolled along trhough life doing what I do and assuming my priorities are in place and steadfast. Is this a fair assumption?
This theme also forced me to do some housecleaning. I’ve let go of some projects that didn’t have anything to do with my creative spirit. They were projects I took on in order to play the muse for someone else. I don’t mind being someon else’s muse, but I don’t want to play that role to the exclusion of my own creative voice. It felt good to be honest about these projects and set clear boundaries with the people who own them.
Here’s the mantra for setting clear boundaries in that situation: “Me. Not me.”
In the end it is all about boundaries. This makes sense of course. I’m an ACOA – which means I grew up in an environment controlled by addiction – which means boundaries…well, they didn’t exist where I come from. I’m feeling a tug of emotion writing this which means there is big truth to be explored on this subject. I’ve avoided writing about being an ACOA – which is strange because I’ve tackled the food addiction in a couple of posts. The ACOA subject is much more frightening. Obviously a well I will have to dip into slowly and with compassion.
So – What are my Big Picture Goals and what are my highest priorities? This is my January Project: Naming Priorities and Choosing Goals. I got a very cool book for Christmas called Creating Your Best Life: The Ultimate Life List Guide by Caroline Adams Miller and Dr. Michael B. Frisch. One of the assignments at the end of Chapter 1 was to watch The Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah. I love that movie.
Happy 2010 to you!
No Comments on "Summing up the December Theme: You Don’t Have to Prove Anything to Anybody"