The Art of Dramatic Living

In Part I, I confessed to a lifelong struggle with my compulsion to make everyone “like” me. This is my curse. Before I get to the flipside of the curse, however, I would like to share with you the words of a very wise woman (to whom I am eternally grateful and will always love). These words were the wake-up call that shook me from the people-pleasing trance:

This is the “Rule of Thirds”
Whenever you walk into a room full of people,
1/3 will think you are fantastic no matter what you do,
1/3 will dislike you no matter what you do,
And the other third won’t even know you are there.

Attribution Unknown (If you know, let me know.)

Onwards with the flipside of the people-pleasing curse. It is important to note, if you are a chronic people-pleaser like me, that people-pleasing can only be a blessing if you are aware it is part of your operating system. When you are aware of it, it can become a blessing in the following ways:

It alerts you to your fears:
If I can catch myself in the midst of a people-pleasing moment and reign it in, I have the opportunity to ask myself, “What am I afraid of?” My people-pleasing is almost always fear based. Remember, it is a survival instinct. Asking “What am I afraid of?” is a fear busting act. Once you can identify the underlying fear behind the “automatic” behavior of people-pleasing, you can face your fear objectively and be closer to attaining personal freedom.

It means you are observant and sensitive:
If you are a people-pleaser you are probably alert to non-verbal clues, shifts in tone and voice. You probably listen for the meaning behind the words in any conversation. You may not even be aware of these skills, but you most likely own them and use them daily. This is a good thing as long as I can engage in objective observation and not projection.

You know how to work it:
A truly skilled people-pleaser can fit in almost anywhere. I’m a very WASPY middle aged mom who has successfully people-pleased her way through a biker party. This was actually a REAL Harley Riding Biker Party not a wannabe biker party. Tough guys and even tougher women! I was the only one there wearing pink! Now, tell me people-pleasing is not a valuable skill. (And don’t ask me how I got there. It’s a long story.)

I do have to add here that the biker lifestyle; the camaraderie, freedom, and nomadic adventurer thing – is intriguing. It would be cool to have another reincarnation just to explore the life.

There you have it: The three blessings of being a people-pleaser.