The Art of Dramatic Living

I have been brewing this post for quite awhile and, frankly, I’ve been avoiding it. I want to say from the get-go that this will probably not be the only post on this topic because there is so much to explore. I also want to tell you that I am not an expert on eating disorders or body dysmorphia, but I am experienced. I’m experienced because I live with a skewed body image every day. I’m experienced because I have used food all my life as a substance to stuff down my feelings, desires and self-expression.

I think any form of creative expression is an act of exposure.

This discussion or thread on SoulPancake is exciting, thrilling, interesting, valuable! It is bigger and more fun than anything I can write today. It’s a Q&A for your soul and/or your brain. If you believe in the word “soul”. I do today. I believe I am a creative soul. I am thinking today about how sexy both my soul and my brain are.

Heres the Question (or challenge):

Participating in this film has taken much more time and energy than I expected. One of the most interesting things about it has been learning how different film is from live theatre. They are completely different mediums. I knew this, but experience is different from knowledge. And, I don’t know why I didn’t realize this before I got started with it, but we film the night scenes at night! So lately I’ve been working all day at the day gig and filming most of the evening.

I had a rehearsal on Sunday for a scene I performed at the university on Wednesday and on Sunday evening I auditioned for a new production with a new theatre company. I found out Wednesday that I got the role. Happy Dance!!! I will be playing Helen in George Walker’s Problem Child. I am definitely living in the flow of opportunity. I actually feel as if I am on the edge of losing control of the current.

My fear wants me to pull back and stop, but

Moving on
to the conclusion
of your story,
I was left in the middle;
a red herring romance,
an unfinished thread 
in your resolution.

I could write my own
beginnings,
middles
and ends, but
I have been
hanging out
in your story
for so long
I don’t know how
to begin.

Then make me an omission.
Let me avoid your
entanglements
and complications.
Leave me off here.
Let’s end this
little love story.

Opportunity is knocking and I would rather not answer the door. In other words fear, resistance and sheer laziness are always lurking in the shadows. It always seems easier to not put myself “out there” than it is to walk through the door of opportunity and greet the unknown. Avoidance always appears to be the easy way out. But I know from experience that living in “the numb” created by my avoidance is ultimately more painful than pushing past my fears.

And still I go through this internal push-me/pull-me dance every time I start something new. For me, it takes effort and will to make creativity a habit.

I’m acting in a film now. We start shooting on Monday. Yikes!